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Crappo The Clown
Made a wrong move, baby, at the wrong time. Made a wrong move, I'm gonna pay for my crime. Two people left in my world. One of them's a dick, can you guess who it is? Can you win a prize? A magnificent holiday for one in a place with no sun. Hello, I'm your rep, and if there's anything I can do I'll do it wrong well. I'll fuck it up. I can guarantee a bad time and yes I can promise tears. I can destroy hope. Made a wrong move, baby, at the wrong time. Made a wrong move, I'm gonna pay for my crime. Two people left in my world. One of them's a winner, can you guess who it is? You always made me feel like I've won first prize, And don't you deserve better than this clown? This Crappo the Clown or whatever he calls himself. He's living in another time and he can't even socialise And he always destroys jokes. Made a wrong move, baby, at the wrong time. Made a wrong move, I'm gonna pay for my crime.

Wake Up
When I wake up I wake up alone. I sit and I wait and listen for the phone. Only when you're near me do I feel at home. Now you're not with me and I want you to come home. And I'll do the best I can but I'm a liar, I don't have a plan. And I'll do my best for you but I'm hopeless, I don't have a clue. When I fuck up, I fuck up so good. I make mistakes and best laid plans can be misunderstood. Sometimes when you're near me I still feel alone, So put your arms around me then I'll be back home. And I'll do the best I can. I might be pissed but I'll lend a hand. And you know you'll be safe in the night, I'll be awake and coughing by your side. Don't try to tell me that I'm good coz I know better, I can call people with the proof. You need never lock your door, I'll never sleep because you snore And I've never wanted more than I've wanted you. And I'll do the best I can but I'm a liar, I don't have a plan. And I'll do my best for you but I'm hopeless, I don't have a clue. And I'll be there when I can. I might be pissed but I'll lend a hand. And you know you'll be safe in the night, I'll be awake and coughing by your side.

The Loneliest Night Of My Life Come Calling
I don't remember yesterday, I don't remember falling. The lonliest night of my life come calling. No one broke my heart but it sure took some beating, The loneliest night of my life. There's a war on today, you've got to catch the train. It's coming to an end so slowly, so slow. Seagulls been circling my house for a week. I'm sorry but I think we both know... That I'm so out of date and I'm so out of time. That hand-writting doesn't even look like mine. It's six past four, I'll soon be on my way To exit the night and take what's coming to me. I don't remember yesterday, I don't remember falling. The lonliest night of my life come calling. No one broke my heart but it sure took some beating, The loneliest night of my life. Even the taps don't drip anymore, I just need a punch in the head. Tablets to breath, tablets to sleep, tablet's just my favourite sweet. My eyes are always shut and they're always here, Inside this house and inside this skin. It's 5:14 and it'll soon be time to leave the loneliest night of my life behind. I don't remember yesterday, I don't remember falling. The lonliest night of my life come calling. No one broke my heart but it sure took some beating, The loneliest night of my life.

Best In Me
You know tonight they say it's not even going to get dark. Tonight I'm staying alive. Seagulls clatter on the cinema roof, it's not too bad, And tonight that star doesn't seem so far. You bring out the best in me, nothing like the rest of the time. You bring out the best in me, so there. Black and white movies make me happy. So would climbing a hill with you this Tuesday. Tonight the colours seem to disobey my eyes. The rules of shape and boundaries forgotten one more time. You bring out the best in me, nothing like the rest of the time. You bring out the best in me, so there. If I could, I'd bottle up the night and give it to you; You could tip it out tomorrow in the day. You know how sometimes the daylight hurts my eyes? We could sell Night to all the day people. You bring out the best in me, nothing like the rest of the time. You bring out the best in me, so there.

Cold Winter
I'm too cold to be alone this winter, I'm too old to be alone. I just want to hold you this winter, I know you get so cold. I just want to call you this winter. Where are you tonight? Why aren't you here? You should be looking after me this winter, I sure as hell can't. Behind everything I do stares the cold truth I don't have you. I still love you, I must be the world's biggest fool. Everyday I wish you weren't so braw coz I miss you. How am I supposed to unmake the world's biggest mistake. I don't want to be your open wound all winter; you don't need to see me cry. I think I need professional help to get better, this may take some time. My life is dead and I can't see a future, I never could and I still can't. Do you still think I'd make a terrible father? I guess his blood still runs in me. Behind everything I do stares the cold truth I don't have you. I still love you, I must be the world's biggest fool. Everyday I wish you weren't so braw coz I miss you. How am I supposed to unmake the world's biggest mistake.

Rotten Heart
Pull the rugs, unplug the plugs and settle down to sleep. Everyone's tucked in, everyone's done in, I'm the only one awake. Leave the light on tonight. In the dark with closed eyes I see myself. I've done some things that ain't right. In the dark with closed eyes I hate myself Wheels turn, pancreas burn, the hour is getting late. Old man, young fan, could this be my fate? Leave the light on tonight. In the dark with closed eyes I see myself. I've done some things that ain't right. In the dark with closed eyes I hate myself.

Speed On The M9
I'm so lonely, I'm gonna get caught by the police for company. And I try to pick up the phone but when it's me nobody's home. Look at my face, check my eyes; they're getting dark with all these lies. I'm running out of time, I'm gonna speed on the M9. I'm so lonely, I'm gonna crash my car into company. I need to go to the hospital, I can't look after myself at all. Forget to eat, forget to drink. I'm not lazy, I just don't think. I'm running out of time, I'm gonna speed on the M9. I'm so lonely, I'm gonna get into a fight for the company. You hit me then I'll know that I'm here, no one seems to remember I'm here. No one cares, and in the end, it's times like these you realise your friends. I'm running out of time, I'm gonna speed on the M9. I'm so lonely, I'm gonna go out with a slut who'll hold me. I need to feel like I'm red hot, I don't care what she's got. I want to touch, I need to be held, not for long just 'til I rebuild my shell. I'm running out of time, I'm gonna speed on the M9.

1,2,3,4
I was sore for years before, sinking lower and lower. 1, 2, 3, 4, now I love you a little more. 5, 6, 7, 8, hope it isn't too late. Just one kiss vanishes this. Bad times gone, they're over. 1, 2, 3, 4, now I love you a little more. 5, 6, 7, 8, hope it isn't too late. Send you flowers with magic powers. Good times coming this summer. 1, 2, 3, 4, now I love you a little more. 5, 6, 7, 8, hope it isn't too late. I can't remember when I didnae love you hen. I cannae mind the time before. I can't remember when I didnae love you hen. I cannae mind the time before. 1, 2, 3, 4, now I love you a little more. 5, 6, 7, 8, hope it isn't too late. 9, 10, 11, 12, beginning to like myself. 13, 14, 15, 16, where have you been.

Birdwatcher
And what a start with my birdwatching book and glasses, I've found a classic. She's so blue in the heart yet she's so bright in the head. I've never before kissed a girl with ambition. She'll always listen When I'm blue in the heart and not so bright in the head. So the man on the piano fumbled on. It was the perfect soundtrack for emotional cripples like myself. Tonight I'm tired, Tonight I'm blue in the heart. She makes me feel like I never will again if I never kiss her. I'll never feel anything but regret. Tonight I tried, tonight I opened my heart. And I'd travel the world to see her. I've seen smiles but none beat hers. How her eyes glow when she's seeing red. The sea's there coz I've been crying. I sat her down and said goodbye, And love is smoke and it keeps getting in my eyes. And what a start with my birdwatching book and glasses, I've found a classic. She's so blue in the heart yet she's so bright in the head. I've never before kissed a girl with ambition. She'll always listen When I'm blue in the heart and not so bright in the head.

The King Of Bring
I'm halfway between useless and potential. I'm all the way travelled from hope. There's no one leading me down this road. All the wrong turns have been my own. Did you know that I'm telepathetic? When I walk in the room, I know. All eyes turn towards me, everyone wants me to go. I'm only happy when I'm sad and my good times are all bad. And my best years have all left me along with you. When I'm up, I'm still down, and my smile is my frown. I'm a clown, I'm still falling away from you. My hallway is fraught with dangers, it's peopled by memories and ghosts. An apparition sits on my laundry, laughing and eating my toast. I don't lock the door at night anymore, I've no one to keep safe. Pancakes gone, kissing gone, along with the smile on my face. I'm only happy when I'm sad and my good times are all bad. And my best years have all left me along with you. When I'm up, I'm still down, and my smile is my frown. I'm a clown, I'm still falling away from you. I regret all my regrets. I forget I forget. I forget all my regrets. I regret all I forget. I'm just like a bad actor falling, falling in love with you. You know I'd do anything for you, what do you want me to do? I've burnt all my bridges and I'm stranded, I'm joking on my own. I'm wider than the Atlantic, the distance between us grows. I'm only happy when I'm sad and my good times are all bad. And my best years have all left me along with you. When I'm up, I'm still down, and my smile is my frown. I'm a clown, I'm still falling away from you.

Devil And The Angel
Last night when I was sleeping a devil came to me. She said "Malcolm... Malcolm... your soul belongs to me. And you'll never amount to anything, you'll never achieve anything, You'll never be good at anything... and your songs are shite." This morning I woke up sweating coz i knew that she was right. I'm dishonest and dirty, I just don't have a life. And I'll never amount to anything, I'll never achieve anything, I'll never be good at anything... and my songs are shite. Last night when I was sleeping an angel came to me. She said "Malcky... Malcky... salvation lies with me. Because you can amount to something, you can achieve anything, You can be good at something... and your songs are alright" This morning I woke up shaking coz I knew I had to choose a path. It's the devil or the angel, there's only one way for me. Coz I'll never amount to anything, I'll never achieve anything, I'll never be good at anything and I'll never amount to anything. I'll never achieve anything, I'll never be good at anything... And my songs are pish.